Happy Hump Day

Good Morning everyone!
(a little John Stewart/Katie Couric humor)

Thank you blog for letting me vent these feelings that I cannot express to any one person in my life for fear of offending them or changing their opinions of me for the worst. I have come to the conclusion, thanks to the influence of friendly conversations, that I should not date right now. I am busy and I should just stick to my schedule. I will only attempt in dating if an amazing opportunity comes up and the world would slap me if I missed it. I admit that every time I see a happy couple my heart beats faster and warms at the thought of someday having the same experience. But I am young and I have, hopefully, my whole life ahead of me.

Everyday I get closer to figuring out exactly how that will go, with graduation in view and college topic being thrown into every conversation at every possible chance (kill me). At least I have my mom who understands, more than any other adult I know, how much pressure teenagers have these days with college.

As for friends and being sad about leaving them behind, I am much more at ease with this because there is only one person who I fear losing and that is Erik because he is leaving me first and he is older. The others I have friended in high school I will miss their presence as I always do but I am used to them coming and going so it will feel the same when we all part. I hope that I see them again later in life but I wish them happiness and success no matter what happens. I am prepared to lose people because I have been losing people my whole life. I have learned to let go even if it takes time to heal the wounds they've left in my heart.

I have replaced friends with books and knowledge as I do. I am currently reading Pride & Prejudice and I love it! I borrowed it from a girl in my english class. I also have borrowed four other books from my friend Katie: Go Ask Alice, Five Quarters of the Orange, Water For Elephants, and Infidelities; Stories of War and Lust. And of course as I start reading for pleasure I am told by my english teacher that I am about to be assigned another novel next week. I forget what it is. Right now our current assignment is to annotate T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland and the online author's notes are very interesting.

Au Revoir!

My weekly feelings report..

Lately I've been feeling down.. I feel like my teachers are disappointed in me.. I hate the wrath of Todd. I feel like I'm letting people down more and more everyday for trying to be myself. I feel the pressure from every angle to be something I'm not. I'm sorry that I smoke and don't give a shit because we're all going to die some day.. I'm sorry I'm not one of your best friends or one of your favorite dancers.. I'm sorry I'm not blind to all the negative in my life holding me back from smiling 24/7 and being optimistic about my future.. I'm sorry I suck at hanging out and can't entertain you because I'm extremely nervous and always think people are out to get me or dislike me off the bat.. I'm sorry that you do hate me for no reason.. I'm sorry that I sound mean when I really don't mean to .. I'm tired of not being good enough to be one of your "top" friends, ever. I wish I could just never see my dad again for the rest of my life.. but it's not that easy when I live with people who are willing to be in his presence even if they despise him as well.. they don't believe in the same things as me and it's the reason why i can't wait to live my own life without them

le sigh.

I'll just stick to books instead of friends.

VOTE FOR ME SO I CAN WIN MONEY FOR COLLEGE!

My mind continues to crank and churn thoughts

So I just finished my workout-- gotta get back my pre-thanksgiving bod! I decided that since I had my "internet safety" lecture at school on Wednesday I would test out something. I "googled" my name! Yes I know, I'm the last person to do it. However I was pleased to find that nothing "dirty" or "scandalous" came up about myself. But I found out that a man who shares my same name was a breakthrough political scientist and there are quite a few rooms named after him in various prestigious facilities such as Columbia University-- how ironic because I am thinking of pursuing that major in college. Then there was a myspace link to some 20 year old in Canada who has some of the same musical tastes as I do. Of course many Lindsay Lohan links popped up too.

So this was fun minus finding out that lindsayrogers.com and lindsayrogers.org are taken.
Touche.

I feel the need to put my opinion somewhere.

I just saw a myspace bulletin about our troops and comparing our complaints to their daily lives overseas, telling me to repost if I support the troops like if I didn't it meant that I don't.

I support my country and I'm proud to be an American citizen. However, I am for peace not war. If we didn't have a war they wouldn't be over there and wouldn't have to be dealing with the things they deal with everyday.

This is the point I tried to prove in my english class last year and got bombarded by ignorant assholes and called expatriotic and told to leave the country. As my government teacher says: the way we deal with our foreign policy is a step above gangs.

Well, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
I'm thankful to be able to spend it with my family today.