Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I'm overwhlemed.

I need a break. Badly.

I need money. I have so many fees to pay for for VCU and it's driving me crazy because I don't have extra money right now and I need to pay them ASAP. I need all my money for gas to drive to and from school, GSA, and work. My mom has no extra money. I was going to go on the annual GSA NYC Trip on the 23rd but now i don't know how to come up with $360 by the 12th so I threw away $200 with the first nonrefundable deposit back in April. Awesome. I hate money. MY parents again have caused this financial struggle that has made me suffer directly.

I'm trying to decide whether i should stay a dance major. Honestly what am i going to do with a BFA in Dance & Choreography? I asked my Jr Co choreographer Melanie Ortt how hard it was to get a job with her Dance degree and she told me pretty much that it's not easy or the rich life. I'll have to make this decision later after I've gotten to VCU but i don't want to waste my time or money.

I'm super exhausted with school & work plus all the rehearsals for the performances coming up in the next two months. I have Ocean Breeze training this weekend and I've been sick and so now I'm worrying about having enough energy to withstand all the swimming.

I'm thinking of starting this photography project where you take a self-portrait everyday for a year or 365 days. Sounds cool. Could be a new hobby.

P.S. i have a new boyfriend. Just keeping it fun for now. But he's definitely pretty awesome. He won't hurt me thats for sure. I'll probably be dating him til I go to VCU.. he says he'll visit but honestly I see myself breaking up with him either before or soon after I leave. I'm going to hate long distance and meet new people or be too busy etc to keep up with the logn distance shit so yeah.. i'm such a heart breaker.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Watch out

I'm throwing out all my Teen Vogues and quickly replacing them with The Rolling Stones which mysteriously started showing up in the mail for my older brother.

I feel this the beginning of some new change. I like to read the newspaper a lot.

I rarely watch tv anymore, and I've come to realize that I will probably not watch tv in college.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


i miss the summer air
i miss knowing you were there
never tossing in the night
blue skies forever in sight

playgrounds and sidewalks
street chalk and bike ride talks
sitting on fresh green grass
sleeping in, no class

august nights turn to fall
concrete cold as metal
wrapped up tight
but i still swing till flight

warm crossings so trite
holding on with all the might
swerved the other way
but eyes have gone astray

Monday, April 14, 2008

This blog sucks.

So my goal for this week is to lose 5 pounds.
In order to do this I have vowed to only eat when i deem my stomach to be grumbling & to stop eating Panera (pastries &such) and to work out every night.

So Lauren & I are no longer friends because she doesn't know how to communicate & blames me for her issues & doesn't see how good of a friend I was to her. Honestly I don't need people in my life who say nasty things about me, try to steal my man when they have 4 others, and I don't deserve to be treated this way. I tried, but she ruined it again.I'm t the point in my life where I'm only keeping the essentials. I don't need unnecessary drama or materials. I'm saving, I'm purifying, I'm refreshing. I do sincerely miss some people but they cleaned me out of their lives... or moved on in ways. But I'm coming to terms with how much my life is about to change this summer. I can't wait for it to start.. but I'm defntely savoring these last few moments that will turn the water works on soon.

My tattoo has healed. Going back to tanning soon. Ocean Breeze training soon. Going to be making bank this summer at OB & Panera. H&M never called me.

Found me a man who is too good to me :) I'm just enjoying it right now. I don't know to push anything right now. Taking it a day at a time.

I may even purge all my entries soon since I hate having a juvenile blog.. I'll just keep my account to look at others' blogs.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Ok so bulimic?

not so much.. just binge eating i guess.. I gotta stop the bad habit either way though..

Well lately I"ve been working & rehearsing my ass off.

Love my friends. Love coffee.

I want to live in the future. screw the present. I can't wait to go to VCU & live in Richmond.
I found the cutest place to rent with Lauren & bought some kitchen stuff.. then my mom shattered my hopes by saying it might be too expensive for her to pay for it.. so I might have to live in the dorms anyways. So now I'm sad.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

holy crap

i'm becoming bulimic.
i looked it up & discovered I have a problem.
i need to stop it before it gets worse.

i need to quit Panera soon.
it's not helping.
fuck i'm crying right now.

i need to get control of myself.

i'm scared.