Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Happy Holidays

It has been a while since my last update. I forgot to mention that I had seen Erik a.k.a. "Aughie".  He had contacted me and told me he was to be home for Thanksgiving and so we tried to get together.  Abe and I had lunch with Erik at Ruby Tuesdays- they have a great salad bar, plus the sushi place was closed.  It was great! I hadn't seen my adventurous friend in almost a year and he was telling me all about his next grand adventure to live in Paris with his Lux boyfriend, Cedric.  I'm so happy for him because he is doing what he wants and seeing the world.  I admit I am jealous of my newly expatriated friend.  I miss him but I'm happy for him it is overruled. Erik also got to meet Abe for the first time and they got along and gave each other rave reviews.  It was more than I could ask for on a weekend home.

Abe and I made up after I got upset in my last post.. I went out that night and got so drunk I puked everywhere (I've never thrown up from alcohol). Then he surprised me by showing up the next morning and we took a trip to D.C. and it was all wonderful.  It was fun and sort of romantic because it was just the two of us exploring the city and it was snowing and the christmas decorations were up.. 
So all that was fixed... I had one more week of school- exams. That was actually one of the best weeks of school ever because I actually got to hangout with people from the dance dept and I now have 4 friends I know I can count on to still talk to me when I don't dance next semester. I have a workout buddy now too! It's great because I really need to keep on top of my body because I don't want to just let myself go.

Anyways end of the semester is over and I got my grades; 3 C's; 3 B's; 2 A's.. the academic classes I didn't get any C's in so I'm relieved at that but disappointed with my new GPA.  I'm determined to get at least a 3.5 next semester... up from the current 2.6! oh mon dieu! I'm actually pretty anxious about next semester because I won't be dancing and I have some pretty hard academic classes to tackle, including biology, economics, european history, and U.S. government.  My government teacher from high school has already given his blessing on my major switch to Education and told me I better pass government with an A!  I'm actually excited to finally get a break for my body from dance even though I'm going to miss it. I'm hoping for a more relaxed semester.

Winter break started for me on December 12th but I didn't get home til the 13th.  I have been enjoying being lazy and doing nothing but also spending tons of time with Abe and my family.  My mom and I have missed each other a lot.  My brothers aren't as unbearable either. It's been a great time.  Christmas week- went to my grandmother's house and Abe was a hit; spent christmas eve at my mom's making cookies, wrapping gifts, and watching The Christmas Story; woke up at my mom's christmas morning and opened presents, went to my grandfather's house and Abe was a hit again; then came home and enjoyed a christmas dinner/party at Abe's apartment with his roommate and her friends.  So it's been very festive and possibly the best Christmas I've ever had.  There was so much love and friendship.  My older brother also was given a cat for Christmas from his girlfriend so Sally was the center of our family for a while too.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


I suddenly feel like I'm in a rut.. Maybe it's not a rut. But who knows.. Everyone is doing great things with their life and I'm trying my best not to stress the fuck out.  

My family and I fought over Thanksgiving break and now I'm super bummer with my life. I don't ever want to go back to my mom's either because I never have a good time. So now, I can't get my car back til my older brother sets his shit straight with his car.. Then yesterday my mom tells me he lost his job.  So now he's even more fucked which makes me even more fucked. No car means no job at Panera over break which means no money to buy Greer a birthday present or buy any Christmas presents.  I love giving gifts. I love driving my car. I love working. Who knows how long it'll take Chris to find another job let alone get his fucking car fixed.  I'll never get my car back. I need to start working during school so I can get used to it and start saving for a place to live next year with Abe or Greer. UGH! I need to keep my life on track. It is not my fault to take care of my older brother if he fucks up his life.  He never does shit for me. I want to live my own life without having to pick up after my family anymore!!!!!  Is that so hard to ask?

This is going to be the worst Christmas ever if I can't be giving. I will be bored out of my mind sitting at Abe's apartment all the time and having to listen to his annoying roommate.  Abe will be working so I won't see him all the time. 

I feel like I'm losing control of my life.  I have lost that loving feeling too.  I want us to last forever.  I don't know why I haven't felt good for a while. I know it's been hard for you with your mom's death but you've been acting different, sad and quiet lately and I need to know that it's about that and it's not about me. I don't want to give up on the only thing that keeps me from jumping ship.  I can't live without you voice, your touch, your kiss, you love, you suport, your arms for me to fall into when I can't stand.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Without you there's no feeling


I haven't been using this very much.  Hmm so it's almost December! I can't believe how fast this semester has gone by. I'm finally getting used to college and my new life.  I'm finally getting comfortable with my new home and my new city.  I still have much to get comfortable with and learn but so far so good right? 

Since my last post I dyed my hair, celebrated Abe's 27th birth
day, celebrated 6 months anniversary with Abe, got injured once and got sick twice.  Life is bittersweet.

yes I am now a brunette. the girl who cut my hair graduated from my high school the year before me.  she cut it great but was really bad with her aim at my natural roots that I showed her. I am going to see what happens to my hair before I dye it again, or not.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Friday, October 10, 2008

It's autumn.. why is it still hot out?

It's October and midterms are here. I've never had a midterm in October.  I always had exams in January which some called midterms.  But now I'm in college and it's different here.  I'm still not used to my new life. I miss driving. I miss my boyfriend, my best, my confidante. We're nearing our six months anniversary.  This is a milestone in my love life.  I love this man.  He is absolutely everything to me.  I feel so dead without him.  He brightens my day and keeps me going.  Just the thought of him is getting me through every day right now.  Being one hundred miles away from home isn't the worst, but it definitely isn't the best when everything I hold dear to my heart is there. 
Greer has been visiting me with her coworker, Brandi, who pierces at Blue Horseshoe.  They make an excuse to come visit me, by delivering their laser technician guy, who is very cute, his paycheck. So they do it to see his attractive face too. It's been fun and I love meeting new people. I've met a lot of new people through Greer. My friend Patrick has been hanging out with us too.  We usually go bowling at the local AMF, which is very nice by the way.  But sometimes I feel that our visits are forced.  I've got my busy school schedule here and trying to fit in my best friend is hard.. I want us to hangout like we used to, but things just don't feel the same anymore. I had fears that Greer and I would drift apart when I left and now I'm afraid its come true. My mom says that happened to her when she was in college too. 

I've tried to make friends here at VCU, in Richmond.  But I'm crawling back into my hole. It's hard.. I haven't found those amazing people yet.  I feel like there's no one I can confide in.  I don't like confiding in acquaintances.  I liked the way my life was.. I liked the people I had in my life. I was content and now it's like everything is wrong.  I'm super uncomfortable with my life.  I feel like I'm at prison.  I appreciate my parents for not sending me to a far away private school.  I miss my big room.  Sharing this tiny little room with someone else I don't know sucks. Privacy is hard to come by here.  The rules are irritating. I can't wait to live off campus.  Hopefully with my boyfriend next year.  

My mom just bought a house.  It's more of a townhouse. But still.. She bought a fuckin house! I mean it's a miracle! I remember the day she left my dad and started all this crazy financial shit.. And now she has a house with her name on it.  No more landlords. She can do whatever she wants to it.  It's the best thing to happen to her in a long time.. And to our family. The only sad thing is that it's not my home.. I have no room there.  Hopefully I'll be living with Abe.. or on my own. That's a scary thought for me.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

No sunlight, No sunlight

I love the new Death Cab For Cutie.  I want to see them live. I also want to see Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Coldplay, Incubus, Dave Mathews Band... I miss seeing really good bands play huge arenas.  I haven't been to a show since the Brand New NorVa incident. But now I have to see dance shows for school and write critiques on them.. fun.

I just won a Brita Ultramax Water Filter on eBay! so I don't have to keep buy
ing huge packages of bottled Aquafina and pollute the world with plastic.  Go GREEN!

Speakng of green.. I need money. I need a job. Someone help me please. If anyone in Richmond knows where I can work in walking distance or bus ride away.. please help a girl out.

I have no clothes too. I gave 1/3 to charity, 1/3 to my cousin and now 1/3 is left.  I hate my clothes.  Someone please take me shopping!

I wish Greer and Abe had moved with me to Richmond. I miss my best friends.

I got another tattoo. But it rubbed against a lot of things and is completely fucked now.. Ugh I'm embarrassed and mad at the same time.  I guess I never realized how much my wrist touches things. I have to wait for it to heal to get it touched up.. for free. 

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Greetings from Richmond!

I moved to RVA. I've started classes at VCU. I'm still trying to adjust to this huge change in my life.  I'm trying to work through a long distance relationship now, and it's very hard.  I miss the smell of the beach.  I miss feeling comfortable.  But one day this will pass. For now, photos!

move in day, me and Abe.

poor bicycle death banana

hello richmond in august

my roommate being jesus at Belle Isle

me on the street

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


I've graduated from Kellam and Governor's School now. I'm enjoying the first couple weeks of summer and working as a lifeguard again. I'm counting down the days but savoring them at the same time.

VCU move in day is August 17th and school starts the 21st.

I'm realizing who my true friends are.. who's keeping in touch, who's still talking to me, who's still trying to hangout this summer before we all go on with the rest of our lives..

I've also hanged my career plan a million times over.. right now it's: get a teaching degree and teach elementary school while going for my french and international studies degrees.. gotta pay those student loans somehow.

Monday, May 19, 2008

SO after reading this hilarious article in The Rolling Stone

about evangelicals and modern Christians, I've come to the conclusion that God is definitely not real.

God is a symbol. I experienced close to the same thing as these "born-again" Christians; cleansing their souls and being reborn into a new person. I do it all the time when I'm sick of myself and want to start fresh. God's "miracle" can be achieved by anybody. All you need is the will to change for the better or whatever your motivation is.

I guess some people just need a theology to believe in before they can achieve the feeling.

I'm also not going to vote for McCain, ever, after reading this article.

hahahahaha :)

Free yourself of doubt and danger

Amen to the Spice Girls for their amazing lyrics.

I'm in the midst of rushing to finish reading Ken Kesey's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and eating some multi-grain crackers. I'm currently hearing M.I. A.'s single "Paper Planes". I'm still tired form GSA's 20th Anniversary Gala and all the "work" I had to do today instead of hanging out with my amazing boyfriend who I can't stop thinking about. He makes me so happy and I don't want to think about the end.

This coming weekend I will be in NYC with GSA on the annual trip. Then when I get back I'll celebrate one month with Abe. Then my last Spring Concert will commence and I'll bawl my eyes out at GSA Graduation the next week. Just barely feel sorrow at Kellam's graduation the week after and then be set free into summer till I move to Richmond.

Life seems so grand at this moment in my life. I'm the happiest yet.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I'm overwhlemed.

I need a break. Badly.

I need money. I have so many fees to pay for for VCU and it's driving me crazy because I don't have extra money right now and I need to pay them ASAP. I need all my money for gas to drive to and from school, GSA, and work. My mom has no extra money. I was going to go on the annual GSA NYC Trip on the 23rd but now i don't know how to come up with $360 by the 12th so I threw away $200 with the first nonrefundable deposit back in April. Awesome. I hate money. MY parents again have caused this financial struggle that has made me suffer directly.

I'm trying to decide whether i should stay a dance major. Honestly what am i going to do with a BFA in Dance & Choreography? I asked my Jr Co choreographer Melanie Ortt how hard it was to get a job with her Dance degree and she told me pretty much that it's not easy or the rich life. I'll have to make this decision later after I've gotten to VCU but i don't want to waste my time or money.

I'm super exhausted with school & work plus all the rehearsals for the performances coming up in the next two months. I have Ocean Breeze training this weekend and I've been sick and so now I'm worrying about having enough energy to withstand all the swimming.

I'm thinking of starting this photography project where you take a self-portrait everyday for a year or 365 days. Sounds cool. Could be a new hobby.

P.S. i have a new boyfriend. Just keeping it fun for now. But he's definitely pretty awesome. He won't hurt me thats for sure. I'll probably be dating him til I go to VCU.. he says he'll visit but honestly I see myself breaking up with him either before or soon after I leave. I'm going to hate long distance and meet new people or be too busy etc to keep up with the logn distance shit so yeah.. i'm such a heart breaker.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Watch out

I'm throwing out all my Teen Vogues and quickly replacing them with The Rolling Stones which mysteriously started showing up in the mail for my older brother.

I feel this the beginning of some new change. I like to read the newspaper a lot.

I rarely watch tv anymore, and I've come to realize that I will probably not watch tv in college.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


i miss the summer air
i miss knowing you were there
never tossing in the night
blue skies forever in sight

playgrounds and sidewalks
street chalk and bike ride talks
sitting on fresh green grass
sleeping in, no class

august nights turn to fall
concrete cold as metal
wrapped up tight
but i still swing till flight

warm crossings so trite
holding on with all the might
swerved the other way
but eyes have gone astray

Monday, April 14, 2008

This blog sucks.

So my goal for this week is to lose 5 pounds.
In order to do this I have vowed to only eat when i deem my stomach to be grumbling & to stop eating Panera (pastries &such) and to work out every night.

So Lauren & I are no longer friends because she doesn't know how to communicate & blames me for her issues & doesn't see how good of a friend I was to her. Honestly I don't need people in my life who say nasty things about me, try to steal my man when they have 4 others, and I don't deserve to be treated this way. I tried, but she ruined it again.I'm t the point in my life where I'm only keeping the essentials. I don't need unnecessary drama or materials. I'm saving, I'm purifying, I'm refreshing. I do sincerely miss some people but they cleaned me out of their lives... or moved on in ways. But I'm coming to terms with how much my life is about to change this summer. I can't wait for it to start.. but I'm defntely savoring these last few moments that will turn the water works on soon.

My tattoo has healed. Going back to tanning soon. Ocean Breeze training soon. Going to be making bank this summer at OB & Panera. H&M never called me.

Found me a man who is too good to me :) I'm just enjoying it right now. I don't know to push anything right now. Taking it a day at a time.

I may even purge all my entries soon since I hate having a juvenile blog.. I'll just keep my account to look at others' blogs.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Ok so bulimic?

not so much.. just binge eating i guess.. I gotta stop the bad habit either way though..

Well lately I"ve been working & rehearsing my ass off.

Love my friends. Love coffee.

I want to live in the future. screw the present. I can't wait to go to VCU & live in Richmond.
I found the cutest place to rent with Lauren & bought some kitchen stuff.. then my mom shattered my hopes by saying it might be too expensive for her to pay for it.. so I might have to live in the dorms anyways. So now I'm sad.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

holy crap

i'm becoming bulimic.
i looked it up & discovered I have a problem.
i need to stop it before it gets worse.

i need to quit Panera soon.
it's not helping.
fuck i'm crying right now.

i need to get control of myself.

i'm scared.

Friday, March 28, 2008


this is me HAPPY.. & a dork, but who's counting?

Monday, March 24, 2008

So I'm finally legally an adult.

I had the best 18th birthday ever, minus the fact that I didn't get to sleep in, I had stupid rehearsal all day, & I never got a birthday kiss (though some others did). But who's counting, right? My friends were awesome. I think we had like 10 bottles of booze plus beer, pretty much the most ever for a party at my house. It was the weirdest experience having all my different worlds of friends colliding and getting along (some not so much). I feel changed now even though it's just another day, another number. I finally feel my age for once. I'm getting my tattoo on thursday. I'm so excited and scared. I think my mom might even come with me. I know that we've been fighting lately but I don't want to push her away. I've been missing my dad a lot lately & I regret what our relationship has become. I miss Erik even more now that I wasn't able to go see him in Texas. I feel like I'm slowly losing everyone close to me. I feel like I lose something for every thing I gain, yet my life feels so unbalanced. I don't know, I guess this is what it feels like to be in a turning point in your life.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Hello March

Just for kicks. Watch this video from Minus The Bear, one of my favorite bands. It may even give you a new way to exercise.

In other news, my mom's friend Tricia will be flying to Maine for her sister-in-law's wedding this weekend. This leaves me without enough frequent flier miles (tickets) to fly to Texas. So I will be having an Erik-less Spring Break. I miss him terribly but hopefully I will get many visits when I move to Richmond.

Speaking of moving, I think it could not come at a better time.. I wish it was sooner though, five months is too far. My family is getting on my every last nerve. I need to get away from them. We've been in this house together for too long, as in we've never lived in a house for more than two years.

I'm still trying to decide if I should get my tattoos or not. If I should get them on my wrists or not, since work will make me cover them up. Which one I should get first. When I should get them. Where to go, who to do them, etc.

But I can't wait.

Here's some of my ideas:

plus I thought of having ETRE VIVANT in script or having the roots become the words in the tree.. but I haven't decided yet.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Senioritis kicking in

I'm going to be getting increasingly restless over the next 6 months now that I am officially in at VCU.

My mom brought me huge packet from VCU on friday after my performance instead of flower. It was infinitely better than flowers.

I can't stop thinking about what to bring, walking to class, meeting new people. I just need all the financial stuff to be taken care of and I hope it doesn't make me stress out.

March & May are going to be exciting months.. I'm busy every weekend in May with performances, going out of town and partying it up at Prom. Then it's graduation and then summer time before I head off to Richtown.

I'm so satisfied right now. I just need a hoppin love life and 20k scholarship and my life til RVA will be complete.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

One Month

I'm almost eighteen years old. I have had doubts recently about my future. I want to dance, I know that. But what will I do with my life. I'd like to take it one day at a time but the realist in me is nagging to find the answer. I've been struggling with confidence lately too. I admire my fellow peers and their amazing writing capabilities and lately have been coming down harshly upon my own abilities. I fear this is a result of my AP English Lit class which is kicking my ass. I know that I chose to take harder classes to get better because I need a little push. I better get used to this too, since next year I'll be the smallest fish in the pond; once again a freshman. I'm shocked with my VCU Dance acceptance. I felt the same way when I got accepted into GSA. I was honoured and crying and smiling in disbelief. I'm in love with Richmond and I can't wait to move on to the next big adventure in my life. Of course, my confidence has recently been brought down, too, with relationships or the lack there of. I know it is stupid to be looking for love at such a young age but I do miss having that companionship and I am not throwing away my emotions for just anybody. I am more sensible than most girls I know about dating; I don't let just anyone into my heart. It has been a year since my last relationship and while I have dated around with a handful of possibilities, none of them have been smart enough to keep me. My last relationship was definitely the best but I see dating as a lesson in learning more about myself. It does make it hard to be optimistic when it makes me feel like there's something wrong, something I need to fix to get them to like me. For the most part, I like who i am, but naturally I hate my looks in some way or another. But I see my friends struggling with eating disorders and it scares me into really thinking about how much I love my body because I never want to have to suffer to the point of a disorder. I really wish body image wasn't so important to people these days. I hope if I ever have a daughter that it is not worse for her than it has been for the girls of my generation. If it is, then I will try with all my heart to shield her from it. I find my self more and more everyday planning out my future life. How I want my own library in my house, that is if I ever get to reading all those books! I can't wait to live on my own and yet I am so scared. I get to visit one of my favorite persons in the whole world next month. Its strange that I haven't seen Erik in two months. I can't just drive my his house anymore. Its amazing how strongly that feels when it's taken away from you. I can't wait to see him! Only one month away!

oh p.s. new hair.. growing it out though for real this time.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Lead me out on the moonlit floor

I found I'm dancing in the GSA 20th Anniversary Gala!
I'm performing/rehearsing a lot especially with Todd's Jr Co.
We just danced with the VA Symphony last weekend.
I auditioned for VCU.
I'm working and babysitting a lot.
I love my new friends; they're so fun.
I found out yesterday I got into my back up school, Christopher Newport University (CNU)!
My birthday is getting closer and closer.

.. as Nina Simone would croon ..

And I'm feeling goooooood.
da nun
da nun
da nun da da
da nun..

Monday, January 28, 2008

For the first time in my life

I feel torn between my parents.


I've finally forgiven my father.. seen his side of the story.. believed it to be honest and true.
I've stopped blaming my father for all our problems.
I feel like I can finally breathe.. because I let go.

Saturday, January 26, 2008


I finally auditioned for VCU!

and I feel great about it!

Oh, of course, I was happy to be back in Richmond..
It's freaking gorgeous and feels 'right' all over in the sunshine.
I even knew where I was going :)

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Winter in Virginia Beach

Well it snowed Saturday.. it didn't really stick around and what was left was turned into ice Sunday. Now most of school was cancelled due to the black ice that backed up traffic because of the "50 some odd" accidents.. even ones involving 20 cars. It took my mom over an hour to get to work when it usually would take her less than 5 minutes normally. Supposedly my exam which was second block was still on.. but there was no way I was going to sit in traffic just to be told we would have to retake it.. There were actually fatal accidents too. That's scary.. and rather ridiculous considering we're in Virginia Beach for goodness sake!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

In Loving Memory of Mr. Eric

One of my first dance teachers passed away on January 9th of this year from lung cancer. He is the reason I am so hard working. The reason I moved on to become a better dancer. He was an inspiration as well as a respected father-like figure for me. I went to one of my very first funeral/memorial services today. Its amazing how many people love him, how many people showed up. There were people standing up in the back and hardly a spot left in the parking lot. I forgot how big a heart he had, how much sense of humour he had, how much he loved to laugh. I cried so much. I called in late to work because I had to stay, I couldn't leave, I needed the closure. I just wanted to give him a hug, to see him one last time. I am verging tears just writing this. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to say how much I appreciated him. I wish I could have one last conversation with him. I remember the way his voice sounds, his little isms about him.. I remember him so vividly. I still can't believe he's gone. He was such a big part of my growing up and he instilled a love of dance in me. He had so much passion for it.

I'll miss you Mr. Eric.
You'll always be in my heart.
& I'll never forget you.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I'm also very busybusybusybee

thank god which allows me to keep my mind off certain things and stress about others..
like the massive amounts of reading I can never get done because all I want to do is sleep.
I started my training at Panera Bread this week.
I have exams next week.
Plus I just found out Thomas won't be able to audition with me for VCU again and so I'm trying to get someone else to go with me.. or else my mom will have to take off work because I'm superstitious about the whole nightmare happening all over again and I don't want to go alone..
Plus I have rehearsals up my butt, another performance next week and I'm trying to impress my teachers and choreographers and peers a lot in the next few months
because it my be the last they see of me and it's important to me to go out with a bang and a smile too.

this is me looking all grown up and spiffy..
this was taken the day all my stuff got stolen out of my car..
it's before I found out..

some pictures of last year's GSA Spring Concert I found..
Tchaikovsky's 4th symphony
we're doing this piece for Todd's Jr Company

guess which one is my butt.. haha

Me & my friend Lauren at Virginia Beach's Redwing Park

one thing I'm trying to get off my mind...
I miss this..

Friday, January 11, 2008

2008 isn't so great

Happy 100th post.

So far this year I have had my heart broken, become very broke, one of my closest friend's found out they have breast cancer, and one of my first and dearest dance teachers has died.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Is Mitt Romney our next hero?

I was watching CNN this morning while they were talking bout the New Hampshire Caucus, when they showed Mick Romney and immediately the similarities popped into my head. He looks like the 'hero' who played the Pres on NBC's hit show Heroes.


Friday, January 4, 2008


My manager at JC Penney's/Lifetouch doesn't want me to quit. I am starting lots of rehearsals for Todd's Junior Company again. I have tech rehearsal all next week for the GSA Winter Concert next weekend. Plus I have to write a paper for english. I start work at Panera Bread after that on the 14th and I still have to get my uniform. I have my exams on the 22nd & 24th then my VCU audition the 25th and the Jr Co show on the 26th.

January is going to be a very busy month and Bret is being complicated. Its harder to be friends with a guy after being more than friends.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

As the night went on

I would find myself trying hard to laugh and enjoy myself even though the booze was doing it anyways. I caught myself staring at him, wanting to embrace him and give him a really great kiss in front of all his friends. I wanted to take him outside and talk to him about it all. talk about it so I wouldn't feel so ignored. Instead I just sat there fighting blame against reason in my head trying to make out some sort of thought that would ease my mind so I could let my heart heal. I'm left here in shock and hurt again for the second time in month. I always think "this one's different" and that maybe i'll actually get to date guy who I think is really amazing.. but it never happens with those guys. I told him almost everything bout myself and he acts as if we just made out few times and it was nothing special at all. And people wonder why it is so hard for me to trust people...

He locked the door and dragged me around on the bumper.

Now I'm standing outside the window in the freezing cold begging him with my eyes to let me in.