Happy Holidays

It has been a while since my last update. I forgot to mention that I had seen Erik a.k.a. "Aughie".  He had contacted me and told me he was to be home for Thanksgiving and so we tried to get together.  Abe and I had lunch with Erik at Ruby Tuesdays- they have a great salad bar, plus the sushi place was closed.  It was great! I hadn't seen my adventurous friend in almost a year and he was telling me all about his next grand adventure to live in Paris with his Lux boyfriend, Cedric.  I'm so happy for him because he is doing what he wants and seeing the world.  I admit I am jealous of my newly expatriated friend.  I miss him but I'm happy for him it is overruled. Erik also got to meet Abe for the first time and they got along and gave each other rave reviews.  It was more than I could ask for on a weekend home.

Abe and I made up after I got upset in my last post.. I went out that night and got so drunk I puked everywhere (I've never thrown up from alcohol). Then he surprised me by showing up the next morning and we took a trip to D.C. and it was all wonderful.  It was fun and sort of romantic because it was just the two of us exploring the city and it was snowing and the christmas decorations were up.. 

So all that was fixed... I had one more week of school- exams. That was actually one of the best weeks of school ever because I actually got to hangout with people from the dance dept and I now have 4 friends I know I can count on to still talk to me when I don't dance next semester. I have a workout buddy now too! It's great because I really need to keep on top of my body because I don't want to just let myself go.

Anyways end of the semester is over and I got my grades; 3 C's; 3 B's; 2 A's.. the academic classes I didn't get any C's in so I'm relieved at that but disappointed with my new GPA.  I'm determined to get at least a 3.5 next semester... up from the current 2.6! oh mon dieu! I'm actually pretty anxious about next semester because I won't be dancing and I have some pretty hard academic classes to tackle, including biology, economics, european history, and U.S. government.  My government teacher from high school has already given his blessing on my major switch to Education and told me I better pass government with an A!  I'm actually excited to finally get a break for my body from dance even though I'm going to miss it. I'm hoping for a more relaxed semester.

Winter break started for me on December 12th but I didn't get home til the 13th.  I have been enjoying being lazy and doing nothing but also spending tons of time with Abe and my family.  My mom and I have missed each other a lot.  My brothers aren't as unbearable either. It's been a great time.  Christmas week- went to my grandmother's house and Abe was a hit; spent christmas eve at my mom's making cookies, wrapping gifts, and watching The Christmas Story; woke up at my mom's christmas morning and opened presents, went to my grandfather's house and Abe was a hit again; then came home and enjoyed a christmas dinner/party at Abe's apartment with his roommate and her friends.  So it's been very festive and possibly the best Christmas I've ever had.  There was so much love and friendship.  My older brother also was given a cat for Christmas from his girlfriend so Sally was the center of our family for a while too.

Futs.

I suddenly feel like I'm in a rut.. Maybe it's not a rut. But who knows.. Everyone is doing great things with their life and I'm trying my best not to stress the fuck out.  

My family and I fought over Thanksgiving break and now I'm super bummer with my life. I don't ever want to go back to my mom's either because I never have a good time. So now, I can't get my car back til my older brother sets his shit straight with his car.. Then yesterday my mom tells me he lost his job.  So now he's even more fucked which makes me even more fucked. No car means no job at Panera over break which means no money to buy Greer a birthday present or buy any Christmas presents.  I love giving gifts. I love driving my car. I love working. Who knows how long it'll take Chris to find another job let alone get his fucking car fixed.  I'll never get my car back. I need to start working during school so I can get used to it and start saving for a place to live next year with Abe or Greer. UGH! I need to keep my life on track. It is not my fault to take care of my older brother if he fucks up his life.  He never does shit for me. I want to live my own life without having to pick up after my family anymore!!!!!  Is that so hard to ask?

This is going to be the worst Christmas ever if I can't be giving. I will be bored out of my mind sitting at Abe's apartment all the time and having to listen to his annoying roommate.  Abe will be working so I won't see him all the time. 

I feel like I'm losing control of my life.  I have lost that loving feeling too.  I want us to last forever.  I don't know why I haven't felt good for a while. I know it's been hard for you with your mom's death but you've been acting different, sad and quiet lately and I need to know that it's about that and it's not about me. I don't want to give up on the only thing that keeps me from jumping ship.  I can't live without you voice, your touch, your kiss, you love, you suport, your arms for me to fall into when I can't stand.

Without you there's no feeling

Soooo!

I haven't been using this very much.  Hmm so it's almost December! I can't believe how fast this semester has gone by. I'm finally getting used to college and my new life.  I'm finally getting comfortable with my new home and my new city.  I still have much to get comfortable with and learn but so far so good right? 

Since my last post I dyed my hair, celebrated Abe's 27th birth

day, celebrated 6 months anniversary with Abe, got injured once and got sick twice.  Life is bittersweet.

yes I am now a brunette. the girl who cut my hair graduated from my high school the year before me.  she cut it great but was really bad with her aim at my natural roots that I showed her. I am going to see what happens to my hair before I dye it again, or not.

Photo Adventure with Annie

more on my flickr.

It's autumn.. why is it still hot out?

It's October and midterms are here. I've never had a midterm in October.  I always had exams in January which some called midterms.  But now I'm in college and it's different here.  I'm still not used to my new life. I miss driving. I miss my boyfriend, my best, my confidante. We're nearing our six months anniversary.  This is a milestone in my love life.  I love this man.  He is absolutely everything to me.  I feel so dead without him.  He brightens my day and keeps me going.  Just the thought of him is getting me through every day right now.  Being one hundred miles away from home isn't the worst, but it definitely isn't the best when everything I hold dear to my heart is there. 

Greer has been visiting me with her coworker, Brandi, who pierces at Blue Horseshoe.  They make an excuse to come visit me, by delivering their laser technician guy, who is very cute, his paycheck. So they do it to see his attractive face too. It's been fun and I love meeting new people. I've met a lot of new people through Greer. My friend Patrick has been hanging out with us too.  We usually go bowling at the local AMF, which is very nice by the way.  But sometimes I feel that our visits are forced.  I've got my busy school schedule here and trying to fit in my best friend is hard.. I want us to hangout like we used to, but things just don't feel the same anymore. I had fears that Greer and I would drift apart when I left and now I'm afraid its come true. My mom says that happened to her when she was in college too. 

I've tried to make friends here at VCU, in Richmond.  But I'm crawling back into my hole. It's hard.. I haven't found those amazing people yet.  I feel like there's no one I can confide in.  I don't like confiding in acquaintances.  I liked the way my life was.. I liked the people I had in my life. I was content and now it's like everything is wrong.  I'm super uncomfortable with my life.  I feel like I'm at prison.  I appreciate my parents for not sending me to a far away private school.  I miss my big room.  Sharing this tiny little room with someone else I don't know sucks. Privacy is hard to come by here.  The rules are irritating. I can't wait to live off campus.  Hopefully with my boyfriend next year.  

My mom just bought a house.  It's more of a townhouse. But still.. She bought a fuckin house! I mean it's a miracle! I remember the day she left my dad and started all this crazy financial shit.. And now she has a house with her name on it.  No more landlords. She can do whatever she wants to it.  It's the best thing to happen to her in a long time.. And to our family. The only sad thing is that it's not my home.. I have no room there.  Hopefully I'll be living with Abe.. or on my own. That's a scary thought for me.