Futs.

I suddenly feel like I'm in a rut.. Maybe it's not a rut. But who knows.. Everyone is doing great things with their life and I'm trying my best not to stress the fuck out.  

My family and I fought over Thanksgiving break and now I'm super bummer with my life. I don't ever want to go back to my mom's either because I never have a good time. So now, I can't get my car back til my older brother sets his shit straight with his car.. Then yesterday my mom tells me he lost his job.  So now he's even more fucked which makes me even more fucked. No car means no job at Panera over break which means no money to buy Greer a birthday present or buy any Christmas presents.  I love giving gifts. I love driving my car. I love working. Who knows how long it'll take Chris to find another job let alone get his fucking car fixed.  I'll never get my car back. I need to start working during school so I can get used to it and start saving for a place to live next year with Abe or Greer. UGH! I need to keep my life on track. It is not my fault to take care of my older brother if he fucks up his life.  He never does shit for me. I want to live my own life without having to pick up after my family anymore!!!!!  Is that so hard to ask?

This is going to be the worst Christmas ever if I can't be giving. I will be bored out of my mind sitting at Abe's apartment all the time and having to listen to his annoying roommate.  Abe will be working so I won't see him all the time. 

I feel like I'm losing control of my life.  I have lost that loving feeling too.  I want us to last forever.  I don't know why I haven't felt good for a while. I know it's been hard for you with your mom's death but you've been acting different, sad and quiet lately and I need to know that it's about that and it's not about me. I don't want to give up on the only thing that keeps me from jumping ship.  I can't live without you voice, your touch, your kiss, you love, you suport, your arms for me to fall into when I can't stand.

Without you there's no feeling

Soooo!

I haven't been using this very much.  Hmm so it's almost December! I can't believe how fast this semester has gone by. I'm finally getting used to college and my new life.  I'm finally getting comfortable with my new home and my new city.  I still have much to get comfortable with and learn but so far so good right? 

Since my last post I dyed my hair, celebrated Abe's 27th birth

day, celebrated 6 months anniversary with Abe, got injured once and got sick twice.  Life is bittersweet.

yes I am now a brunette. the girl who cut my hair graduated from my high school the year before me.  she cut it great but was really bad with her aim at my natural roots that I showed her. I am going to see what happens to my hair before I dye it again, or not.

Photo Adventure with Annie

more on my flickr.

It's autumn.. why is it still hot out?

It's October and midterms are here. I've never had a midterm in October.  I always had exams in January which some called midterms.  But now I'm in college and it's different here.  I'm still not used to my new life. I miss driving. I miss my boyfriend, my best, my confidante. We're nearing our six months anniversary.  This is a milestone in my love life.  I love this man.  He is absolutely everything to me.  I feel so dead without him.  He brightens my day and keeps me going.  Just the thought of him is getting me through every day right now.  Being one hundred miles away from home isn't the worst, but it definitely isn't the best when everything I hold dear to my heart is there. 

Greer has been visiting me with her coworker, Brandi, who pierces at Blue Horseshoe.  They make an excuse to come visit me, by delivering their laser technician guy, who is very cute, his paycheck. So they do it to see his attractive face too. It's been fun and I love meeting new people. I've met a lot of new people through Greer. My friend Patrick has been hanging out with us too.  We usually go bowling at the local AMF, which is very nice by the way.  But sometimes I feel that our visits are forced.  I've got my busy school schedule here and trying to fit in my best friend is hard.. I want us to hangout like we used to, but things just don't feel the same anymore. I had fears that Greer and I would drift apart when I left and now I'm afraid its come true. My mom says that happened to her when she was in college too. 

I've tried to make friends here at VCU, in Richmond.  But I'm crawling back into my hole. It's hard.. I haven't found those amazing people yet.  I feel like there's no one I can confide in.  I don't like confiding in acquaintances.  I liked the way my life was.. I liked the people I had in my life. I was content and now it's like everything is wrong.  I'm super uncomfortable with my life.  I feel like I'm at prison.  I appreciate my parents for not sending me to a far away private school.  I miss my big room.  Sharing this tiny little room with someone else I don't know sucks. Privacy is hard to come by here.  The rules are irritating. I can't wait to live off campus.  Hopefully with my boyfriend next year.  

My mom just bought a house.  It's more of a townhouse. But still.. She bought a fuckin house! I mean it's a miracle! I remember the day she left my dad and started all this crazy financial shit.. And now she has a house with her name on it.  No more landlords. She can do whatever she wants to it.  It's the best thing to happen to her in a long time.. And to our family. The only sad thing is that it's not my home.. I have no room there.  Hopefully I'll be living with Abe.. or on my own. That's a scary thought for me.

No sunlight, No sunlight

I love the new Death Cab For Cutie.  I want to see them live. I also want to see Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Coldplay, Incubus, Dave Mathews Band... I miss seeing really good bands play huge arenas.  I haven't been to a show since the Brand New NorVa incident. But now I have to see dance shows for school and write critiques on them.. fun.

I just won a Brita Ultramax Water Filter on eBay! so I don't have to keep buy

ing huge packages of bottled Aquafina and pollute the world with plastic.  Go GREEN!

Speakng of green.. I need money. I need a job. Someone help me please. If anyone in Richmond knows where I can work in walking distance or bus ride away.. please help a girl out.

I have no clothes too. I gave 1/3 to charity, 1/3 to my cousin and now 1/3 is left.  I hate my clothes.  Someone please take me shopping!

I wish Greer and Abe had moved with me to Richmond. I miss my best friends.

I got another tattoo. But it rubbed against a lot of things and is completely fucked now.. Ugh I'm embarrassed and mad at the same time.  I guess I never realized how much my wrist touches things. I have to wait for it to heal to get it touched up.. for free.