I feel like my life is really falling apart. I lost the love of my life. The coolest best friend I've ever had. I don't have a job or car and don't see it happening for a while. I have barely made any friends at school. I've changed my major from dance. I miss dancing so much. I don't know if I really want to be an elementary school teacher. I don't know if I'll be going to VCU next year, depends on financial aid. I don't know where I'll be living next year, which scares me the most.
I have no plan or any idea what my future is going to be like. I'm really scared and just want to crawl in a hole and die.
I thought about seeing one of those student counselors at school who are like therapists but I don't know how good an idea that would be. I took an online assessment test and I didn't like any of the results. I could be a good accountant since I'm good at math and I'm very organized and a perfectionist, and make lots of money. But is that what I want? Or I could study french and go to school in Paris for a couple years, become fluent and maybe be a High School teacher, that way I could travel and I miss French and I could teach and help people? Is that helping people? Ugh I don't know what I want to do with my life. If I had my way I would be an awesome dancer and just join a company and perform til my dying days.. but I'm not an awesome dancer and there is no such company out there. Or I could stay on the path I'm on and become an elementary teacher with a slim hire outlook right now and not that much money plus a very demanding job.
Then there's this feeling I have of not belonging to anywhere. Where is home? My mom's new place doesn't feel like home to me. It's crazy that not even a month ago I was so happy and now I'm completely depressed. I feel more alone than ever. Being an adult really sucks. The economy scares me. My brothers can't even find one of those mindless jobs they have for teenagers.
The only reason I decided to blog is because I feel I have no one to run to, to talk to about what is going on in my head. No one cares, so I'll just write it down and hope it makes me feel a little bit better.
P.S. stay away from Scorpios.
1 comment:
Hey, you sound depressed...
A couple of unsolicited thoughts:
1. Do what you love. If you love dance, dance. If you love little kids, teach. If you love to write, write. You get the idea. There's a book called "Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow."
2. You might want to talk with someone... a counselor at school would be a good idea. There are different kinds of folks to talk to at school. You might want to talk to academic advisor about what you do academically... You might want to talk to a counselor/psychologist to talk to about other issues.
3. Keep a journal... maybe not here, maybe in a book... I don't know... I'm just thinking it might be helpful to work things out. You seem verbal; writing might help you figure stuff out.
Hang in there.
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