Lately

I've been feeling lonely. I've learned not to put trust in people because they always let me down. I don't have a best friend because of this. It's sad but I've never really had someone be there for me "always" like everyone makes their best friends out to be. They make people sound like superheroes in a fictional story. They're not real. Having someone that awesome does not exist. I am constantly being let down by someone or something. Yes I know there has to be a balance of good and bad but lately it feels like there is no good left.

I am becoming more paranoid too. I just want to be left alone all the time. I always feel like people don't want to be around me. I feel like nobody really likes me at work either. I'm not excited for school tomorrow. I'm not happy at all anymore. I wish I could fast forward to the time in my life where I am married and about to raise my family. I can't wait to get to that point in my life. I want my own little babies and a husband who loves me.. I want security. I don't think I've ever felt secure at all my whole life. That's probably why I am always looking for a boyfriend.