You have stolen my heart

I spent my childhood dreaming for something this amazing, and maybe I'm exaggerating here, but I think you're my first love. We took it to the next level. I didn't see you at the level after that and that's when I decided to end it. However I did enjoy the time we spent together. I was so happy. Everyone could see it. I was different with you. You are the only boyfriend I have ever had who is still friends with me. You truly cared. You may not have been very good at grand jestures but the little things you did for me counted. I am so comfortable with you and I can talk to you about anything. You are still there for me when I need someone to cuddle or complain to. When I want to throw things at my family you are there to cheer me on in my riots haha.. and console me when they make me cry.
I dream about the road trip we made and the days we spent in your car bundled up and hanging with your friends, saying hello to dear Thomas Jefferson and claiming rocks rock! haha I am always reminded of you when i listen to Minus the Bear, especially the song about going to Europe and drinking absinthe and "how good we look together".. Eternal Sunshine will always remind me of how we keep coming back to each other and fate is pushing us together again (yet I will not help it push) and how much you thought it was a boring movie but you watched it with me. I remember hot tamales and eating the whole bag.
I was gracious for everything you did but the whole time I was questioning whether I wanted to be with you. I spent 4 days without you doing what I love most, and then was struck with a betrayal I couldn't of imagined.. an that's when i decided I needed to be without you. I could have stuck it through but I needed the feeling of freedom.. this is when everyone seems to think I went bad.. I broke it off with the onyl guy who truly cared about me.. I stopped talking to most of my closest friends.. and I cried in public.. plus I started smoking.. I know I am changing topics but I feel the need to express this in words.. I changed.

That was when I as a person, in mind and soul, CHANGED.

I decided that I would need to trust more carefully, and live more freely, and live the way I wanted because we only get one life. I wasn't peer pressured into smoking, I wasn't forced, my friends never pushed it on me.. I went to them. I told them straight up I wanted to smoke. I am sick and tired of people assuming things about me. If I may quote the movie 10 Things I Hate About You, "Why should I live up to other people's standards?" So really I don't care what you think.. but it is none of your right or business to go ahead and start telling people that I've started smoking if I haven't or don't want them to know yet. That's my business. And I don't think you have a right to give your judgement on my life when you don't know anything about it.