Mother of mine.

We all love our parents unconditionally whether we hate them at all or completely, there is nothing you can do about it. But we all strive to be more than what they are, as they want us to be more as well. There are times when we just want to run to them and be held in there arms for all eternity. However there are times where we can't stand them and pity them for what they've become.

I know that my relationships with my parents are what some would call "abnormal" because most kids hate their parents or they are uncool and cannot relate to youth as they once did or they are super strict and just "don't understand" or they can't talk to them on an equal level.

My relationship with my father was once the ideal daddy's girl type until i grew up and found my own opinions and became hurt by a lot of the things he did and said. Now everything is awkward around him and I refuse to touch any subject that deals with him. I am very glad that he lives 3 states away.

My mother and i have always been very close. We have a special bond because we are both girls as all girl relationships are. We shared many rides to/from dance class over the past decade and road trips to competitions early on. As I grew into the woman I am today, she helped through every thing I encountered along the way. We've had our fights but we always come around. For a while, each other was all we had. Through my parents problems I was her crutch to lean on. I learned a lot from my parents problems about what I want in love and life and what not to do in the future.

In many ways I absolutely do not want to be my mother. She is too forgiving and lets people walk all over her. I wish she was more controlling so my brothers would be in better shape and so would she. I hope to not be as obssessed with how money controls life as she is-- she thinks that her schooling has gotten her nowhere in life and that me marrying a guy who is rich will solve any problems that I could have in marriage and life in general. She talks way too much and gets aggravated when I try to tell her that I'm trying to concentrate on something else, i.e. my reading or the one tv show I watch or things need to get done on my only day off.

I'm growing up fast and she obviously can't handle my newly profound independence. I understand what she's feeling but it's not my job to make her let go. She still thinks I'm that 9 year old girl who always listened to her worries in the car on the way to dance and that I will sit there without objection. I have responsibilities now that I need to utilize. I want things a certain way and I want them to work out better than they did for her. I will not settle for less. I want what I deserve. I won't have anyone stand in my way and tell me no you have to stay back here with the rest of us and suffer the same way.