So you may notice there are some changes to my blogspot..

Mae is one of my favorite bands. I loved them from the beginning. I consider myself a true fan. I was sad I could not go to their last show together last Tuesday. Two of their members left and two guys from another local band Tokyo are joining them now. I support them on their MaeteaM website. The playlist was one of their "missions". They also like to post lots of pictures from their tours and videos.

Here's their latest:




You can check out more on myspace, youtube, and the MaeteaM site.

I grow wiser everyday.

My wisdom tooth in the upper right is coming in. My mom's already determined that I will have to eventually get them all taken out in the next year or so. Does this mean I'm getting wiser? Will I lose this so-called wisdom when they are taken out?

I've been catching up with two of my oldest friends, Katie and Codie. Talking about boys and the goings on of our lives as high school seniors. I would like to note that I am warming up to one of the guys and Katie & Codie both think i should pursue it. Both are still in contact with my real-life arch enemy Courtney and Codie tells me that she is thinking about trying to be my friend again. We both laugh heartily in her face at the thought of her attempts. Really now, is she so stupid? I am extremely stubborn and she sucks at being a friend. Do I really look like that much of a fool? Humph.

P.S. I was definitely PMSing in the past couple posts.


P.P.S. I actually like my new job quite a lot.
I will soon be paid for my photography skills!

I think my brain finally let my heart explode.

I found myself crying tonight and suddenly all these feelings were pouring out into my head. I may just be a little bit PMSing but I'm not quite sure. I had been reading up on my astrology with all these guys lurking about-- I think it was for good reason my eyes leaked. I think subconsciously I am still letting go of my last relationship. I'm afraid I won't ever get another great boyfriend experience like that back and so I am afraid to let myself have feelings for someone else. I think only one other guy has given me anything resembling a normal feeling of "hey I'd really like to be with them" that makes me take the next step into dating. Some of these guys who want to hangout with me lately are nice and some I could really care less about and some I'm just not sure what to think. I barely know any of them and I'm not sure if I really care to get to know them any better. All I know is I don't have time to waste on a relationship that is pointless and I don't feel comfortable in. It doesn't help that I have no clue as to why they would want to be with me in the first place; I feel ugly and fat and I'm frequently called a bitch.


People don't like me. I get that vibe 90% of my days.. No matter what I do (this includes being myself) I can never satisfy those around me enough for them to like me and enjoy my company they way I enjoy theirs. I guess I am below average on the likable scale.

ok I'm done. goodnight.

Family

I want a big family. Connected and loving. Warm family gathering during the holidays. Kids running wild and driving the parents crazy. Marriages and disasters. Helping and hurting. always being there for each other.

My close family, that is my parents and brothers, has never been the typical family you'd see as the American staple for an Old Navy commercial. We're more the indie movie type family. Real and broken. We have flaws and we get along, but never look like we do.

I have my first show tomorrow for the first time since May. I am excited but also very nervous. I am showcasing my senior choreography for the first time and last. This morning while I was at my SAT testing my grandmother called to say that she couldn't come because she was sick. I am thoroughly upset because she hasn't seen me dance in years. I want to be mad but what can she do? She's just sick and I can only hope she doesn't get deathly ill. She's 69 years old and one of my favorite people in the world. It meant a lot to me that she was coming to see me dance. I am about to cry, that's how upset I am.

Now Erik can't come. And my mom didn't seem like she wanted to come in the first place. Now she is the only one left and I'm sure she will try to get out of it even though she may just me guilted into coming when I tell her she is the only one. I'm trying to remind myself that I am doing this for myself and I have to do this because it is what I love to do. As much as it hurts to sit here and know that no one, that matters to me, is going to see me dance tomorrow.

Also I went on, well I guess you could call it, a date tonight with a guy I used to work with at Ocean Breeze. I was worried he wanted it to be a date in the first place and I didn't want it to be because I had never really thought about him like that because he isn't taller than me. Plus he dated another girl I knew from work for a while. But he is very family oriented and I wish we were older because his goals are oriented around a great home and career. So I may be attracted to him after all.. He definitely wants to hangout again.

p.s.

Sushi with Erik is fun.

and Feist is a great band to check out.

Ole Hallow's Eve

My mom won first place! and $100 cash prize.

She's Miss Idaho.. it was state themed.

This is Dr. Heff (for short).

He was Miss Kentucky.
That's his mullet wig.

I love him! haha

My brother's hair.

Chris and his girlfriend, Cyndrah.

After she spent like an hour on his make up.

They went to hangout with friends.

fin.