I found myself crying tonight and suddenly all these feelings were pouring out into my head. I may just be a little bit PMSing but I'm not quite sure. I had been reading up on my astrology with all these guys lurking about-- I think it was for good reason my eyes leaked. I think subconsciously I am still letting go of my last relationship. I'm afraid I won't ever get another great boyfriend experience like that back and so I am afraid to let myself have feelings for someone else. I think only one other guy has given me anything resembling a normal feeling of "hey I'd really like to be with them" that makes me take the next step into dating. Some of these guys who want to hangout with me lately are nice and some I could really care less about and some I'm just not sure what to think. I barely know any of them and I'm not sure if I really care to get to know them any better. All I know is I don't have time to waste on a relationship that is pointless and I don't feel comfortable in. It doesn't help that I have no clue as to why they would want to be with me in the first place; I feel ugly and fat and I'm frequently called a bitch.
People don't like me. I get that vibe 90% of my days.. No matter what I do (this includes being myself) I can never satisfy those around me enough for them to like me and enjoy my company they way I enjoy theirs. I guess I am below average on the likable scale.
ok I'm done. goodnight.
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