My family and I fought over Thanksgiving break and now I'm super bummer with my life. I don't ever want to go back to my mom's either because I never have a good time. So now, I can't get my car back til my older brother sets his shit straight with his car.. Then yesterday my mom tells me he lost his job. So now he's even more fucked which makes me even more fucked. No car means no job at Panera over break which means no money to buy Greer a birthday present or buy any Christmas presents. I love giving gifts. I love driving my car. I love working. Who knows how long it'll take Chris to find another job let alone get his fucking car fixed. I'll never get my car back. I need to start working during school so I can get used to it and start saving for a place to live next year with Abe or Greer. UGH! I need to keep my life on track. It is not my fault to take care of my older brother if he fucks up his life. He never does shit for me. I want to live my own life without having to pick up after my family anymore!!!!! Is that so hard to ask?
This is going to be the worst Christmas ever if I can't be giving. I will be bored out of my mind sitting at Abe's apartment all the time and having to listen to his annoying roommate. Abe will be working so I won't see him all the time.
I feel like I'm losing control of my life. I have lost that loving feeling too. I want us to last forever. I don't know why I haven't felt good for a while. I know it's been hard for you with your mom's death but you've been acting different, sad and quiet lately and I need to know that it's about that and it's not about me. I don't want to give up on the only thing that keeps me from jumping ship. I can't live without you voice, your touch, your kiss, you love, you suport, your arms for me to fall into when I can't stand.
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