I guess I missed that part

I think I missed the part of growing up where I was supposed to join a clique.

I seemed to have tried so hard to not try so hard that it's backfired.

People are jealous of my easy schedule but I really am more apathetic to it.
I am jealous of them hanging out with their friends.
Mine seem to have vanished into thin air.

These times have really opened my eyes.
You can see who people really are and whether or not you want to be their friend,
or why you would or wouldn't want to be their friend.
You can picture what you'd really like to do,
but is it what you can do
or what you can afford to do?
But would you be happy there
or would you cripple and die
without the normal structure of life
you've had since you were born?
I can say how much I want to leave and how much I want to travel the world
but I am scared that when I come back I won't have any friends to visit.
No places of memory or love only hate and lonesomeness.
I look around at school at all the middle-class teens
who have been involved in after-school activities
and go to parties with their friends
and have a huge circle of best friends
and they laugh and they cry and they fight for each other
and I wish I was one of them.
Is it pathetic that I go through my day to day routines
of school, dance class, and driving home in rush hour traffic by myself every day?
I know we all are born into our parents arms
but we seem to travel through life alone;
are we destined to die alone as well?
Will going to college really change this feeling inside me?
Will I find happiness
or will I find I made it up all too much for it to really make me satisfied?

I can only wonder..