Don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling..

I am a dreamer. When it comes to anything I am always happy if I am thinking about what I want it to be. I do not like the way things are so I dream up what I wish them to be. I like to put on those rose colored glasses and when they are ripped off my face I am thrust into depression because of the truth staring me in the face the whole time. I just ignore it.

There is no way Ashton and I will ever be anything ever again but I wish.
There is no chance of John and I, he obviously doesn't like me that way at all.
I will never find that one true true true best friend who would do anything for me and be there for me always.

I used to be a loner with no friends at all, I was to the point of wanting to end it.. but all of that has changed (thank god). I tried to tell myself I deserve better and I am just as pretty as the other girls and not everyone hates me. My plan has backfired a little but I have a bigger bank of self-esteem because I finally gained the courage to stand up for myself. I have accepted certain realities about myself but I still believe I am just as worthy as everyone else. I am not conceited or arrogant at all. If you've had a conversation with me at all, you would know this. I am my biggest critic. I do act a certain way sometimes if I am feeling less confident but that doesn't mean I am arrogant about it. I have gotten remarks similar to this in the past and just wanted to make myself clear. I am a modest girl, I know what league I'm in, sadly.

As much as I am in agreement with every saying about girls not needing a guy to make them happy.. I do wish to have my own. I just want a guy who wants to talk to me and hangout until forever stops. A guy who will hold me the way Ashton did, who I adore like I did Justin, who will kiss me like Justin and Cameron and Bryan, and who will do anything for me and be there for me always like Ryan. I want to be that couple that everyone envies. It would perfect my senior year to find someone like that. but I am forced to accept that there is a 90% chance it won't happen.

Mais je peux esperer..