I save lives?

Lifeguarding is definitely not as easy as it seems.
I failed all my CPR tests and had to retake them.
I was the last person.
I don't know why I did so bad.. maybe it was nerves and the sun.
I was definitely being stressed to the point of quitting.. sad but I don't want to be put in charge of someone's life if I don't believe I can do it, ya know?
So yeah I'm definitely liking how challenging this job is going to be but I'm a little worried.
I know I'm going to be around lots of attatractive guys.. I feel like I'm the only person who has no love life right now..
I haven't been with anyone or even gotten close to anyone at all since Ryan..
I feel so off my game in every aspect of my life..
I found out I am on the wrong assignment for AP English from friends in my training class.
I have only been to dance once a week since school got out and I haven't worked out at all.
I got $105 from Spectrum Puppets but lost $10 already because I didn't check my change at Starbucks this morning.
I'm going to have to miss the upcomign family events most likely.
I don't have the money to get my mom a great birthday present like I wanted to.
And of course I'm lame in the socializing department.
And my friends are all at war so tension is buliding along with stress.

Die young and save yoruself.

I have never seen this band live but this video just reminds me of the old days and how much I love their music. I've also become more obsessed with Mae today. hah

I love music. That's a big part of why I never want to give up dancing too. I love it way too much. It's the only way I can feel apart of it for a few minutes of my life. Hmm.. emotional.

I got to see Bailey and it was like we'd been apart for a year. But we've been spending so much time together and it's so chill. We can just sit around her house eating, talking, watching movies,.. for hours and we're just happy to be with each other.. Hm this sounds rather homosexual. haha I love her in the best way a friend could!

I am stressed about money and jobs right now.. I could really use a good distraction.
There is no way I am going back to my ex.. last time I tried to hangout with him he drunk texted and called me.. then threw up while I was still on the phone with him.. fun.. NOT.

Ok so that Bayou Bugaloo thing I did for Spectrum Puppets.. we all who did it agree- NEVER AGAIN. It was hot and we had no definite choreography. We were asked to make something up.. but that kind of got messed up since the bandplayed two songs nto one and the crowd was not that great. We became very tired of it fast. Especially when we had an hour between each "performance" where we had to try and do something to pass time. Since it was hot and we got tired and had to walk slow because it was a "mock funeral", some New Orleans tradition, our hands started to hurt from carrying the coffin with those useless handles that dug into your bones and slipped from the sweat.. Ugh yes and thos elong black skirt we had to wear.. Seriously that check better come in the mail and it better be a nice sum with compensation for our time and sweat.

Oh and my car license plates came in today! I'm so excited. I got vanity plates. They say BONHEUR. It's an inside joke from french class.. we were reading a story in complete french and our teacher wanted us to understand that the class before ours thought it was a naughty term to mean boner. In the story the guy's wife dies and it says he loses his happiness.. and so my teacher kept on saying it til it really did sound like boner.. It really means happiness so it kind of fits. But I am worried that my car will break down faster than I can enjoy it.

So no one reads this who cares

I am never going to have that "best friend" thing everyone has going on..
It's all a big joke anyways..
Everyone talks about everyone behind their backs..
It's natural to get sick of people..
I'm just sick of how I treat people nicely and generously and they never acknowledge it.
I'm tired of considering people as my close friends just to be stepped on all over again.
Really it's the story of my life.

Hmm. Everyone has their loves.. I hope I find a summer love.
I wish I could see certain people.. but we all wish..

Wow.

Today was the first day this summer where all I did was sit at home ALL DAY LONG.
Seriously, what is wrong??

I couldn't get to sleep last night.. possibly because I woke up crying from a bad dream that morning about a guy I know.. It seemed so real.. In the dream he died of cancer. I've been trying to see this guy. He already had to ditch me once and now seems it's just not working out. I was suprised that I woke up crying as if it was real. It felt so real. Dreams like that are scary. It's fun to try and analyze dreams though. Although I don't always remember mine.

But really.. I've been doing so good about getting out of the house and doing things, with friends mostly too. All of the sudden people are busy or I can't do what I wanted to because of limits such as money, weather, gas, or simply lost at an idea of what to do.. It's been a good week or so of summer so far.. as much as it's felt like a lifetime.. Now I'm in limbo it feels like.. I don't have any plans till this weekend.. and I won't get to see Bailey ASAP after she's done with her family obligations, drat just thought of that.

Yep this weekend I'm working for the Spectrum Puppets at Town Point Park for the Bayou Bugaloo Festival with Thomas, Annabel, and Ali. Then next weekend I'm doing my lifeguard training for Ocean Breeze then I'll finally start working.. so I won't have much money yet.. I have car insurance and gas to pay and my lifeguard training is over $100 plus the uniform.. and I have shows for friends to attend, if I get the money.. Hmm I really hate that money controls us. I try not to let it "control" me but sometimes I feel it does.

Couper les cheveux ou non?

Last summer I cut my hair short again. It was basically a bob. It was easy to maintain. Trés mignonne. I loved running my hands through it. Cutting my hair short has been my new favorite pasttime.

Now it's the next summer. I've only cut my hair once this year.. I think it was around Thanksgiving or so. I used to get it cut every 3 months and know exactly when I last cut it. Now I have no idea.. This Friday I am scheduled for my Senior pictures. I'm very excited. I'm finally a senior.. 12 years in the making! I want to present myself just so. I'm still debating whether I should go or wait a month and get it cut really cool. I have less than 3 days to decide and I still don't know.

Also, if I do decide to go ahead with it, how should I do my hair? Should I shower and sleep on it so it's a natural wave/curl-like texture? Or should I wash it and blow dry it right before I go? Should I straighten it? I need a second opinion.. Actually a nice large poll would be sufficient..

Hmm. This blog makes a nice place to use for my thought processes.